Can You Learn Self-Control?

NYT.com: OpTalk

Can You Learn Self-Control?

October 14, 2014

Walter Mischel conducted one of the most famous experiments in 20th-century psychology. In the late 1960s, he oversaw a test at Stanford University using a group of preschoolers. These studies gave him access to children whom he subsequently tracked for decades, collecting data on each child’s education, health and other factors. Now, more than 40 years later, he’s published a book, “The Marshmallow Test: Mastering Self Control,” about the experiments.

In the marshmallow test, Mr. Mischel asked a preschool child to choose between receiving one small reward now (say, one marshmallow or one cookie) and waiting a short amount of time — about 10 minutes — to receive two rewards (two marshmallows or two cookies)….

…The test was designed to measure a child’s ability to delay gratification. The major problem at the heart of the test is the concept of intertemporal choice; that is, how we compare a larger delayed reward against a smaller immediate one. In study after study it’s been shown that our brains tend to undervalue a bigger payoff in the long-run, no matter what the objective calculation is.

In Mr. Mischel’s view, this is a test of willpower: the ability to use the brain’s executive, rational functions to overcome the immediacy — and emotional potency — of desire. In subsequent studies of his original subjects, Mr. Mischel found that children that were able to withstand temptation and wait for another treat were likely to have higher SAT scores, achieve higher educational degrees, earn more money and have a lower body mass index, an indication of healthy weight.

As Pamela Druckerman revealed in an Op-Ed for The New York Times last month, many parents (Ms. Druckerman included) subject their own children to the test, hoping to ascertain some glimpse of their child’s future. Mr. Mischel explains to her, however, that the results of the test are not destiny. On the contrary, self-control can be taught, and not only in childhood.

Mr. Mischel tells Ms. Druckerman that adults can learn from the children’s spontaneous attempts to resist temptation. Children were most successful when they tried to occupy their attention with something else — make up a song, say, or turn their back on the marshmallow — or transformed the object of desire in their mind, perhaps by imagining it as a piece of cotton or pretending it was smelly or dirty.

…Likewise, adults are better at avoiding temptation when they employ methods of distraction or distancing….

…Those habits can help us achieve what Mr. Mischel calls “a burning goal”: a long-term objective that requires consistent and often arduous work and attention….

…The key, all of these writers say, is to counter something that is emotionally “hot” — desire, temptation, emotion — with something “cool” — the brain’s executive function….

David DeSteno, a professor of psychology at Northeastern University, however, sees it differently. He argues in a detailed, fascinating piece in Pacific Standard that learning to deal with impulses isn’t so much about building up self-control as it is training yourself to appeal to certain emotions — that is, not countering “hot” with “cool” so much as tapping into the correct “hot” response. Mr. DeSteno argues that emotions that have a moral valence and prize a greater social good — responses like gratitude, compassion, pride — can also help us control our behavior in favor of a delayed payoff. These qualities have been selected for historically because they are more likely to benefit a larger social structure.

In fact, an emotional response might be more effective and less draining in helping us resist temptation, especially over the long term. John Tierney wrote in 2011 in The New York Times Magazine that making decisions is depleting and that we each have only a finite amount of energy for making choices in a given time period. Mr. DeSteno refers to similar research, writing that even small decisions like whether to wear a blue or a white shirt wear down our willpower. And our executive function can be used to twist any decision to our advantage…For that reason, “any strategy based solely on forcing adherence to a set of virtues through a bunch of cool-headed, cognitive strategies and a list of ‘thou shall nots’ is a fragile one….”

 

 

 

Ten Things I Learned From My Father

Ten Things I Learned From My Father

By Ian Anderson, From Squalor to Baller

 

1. You’re not defined by the things you own.

2. There’s no hurry to make up your mind.

My dad didn’t start his career until his mid-forties. Before that, he dabbled in many professions – forest firefighter, mailman, writer, carpenter, engineer, and more. Each of these experiences has added to his complex character and has played a role in preparing him for the next step. As a kid, I assumed this was normal; it wasn’t until later that I realized most people are more direct when it comes to careers. These days, there is a lot of pressure on kids to get into a good college, pick a major, and then get a job; I was lucky to learn early on that less linear career paths were just as viable. 

3. Read and write every day.

… I’ve still come to appreciate the importance of reading and writing on a regular basis. It’s good for your brain and for your vocabulary (and it’s one of the reasons I started this blog).

4. Don’t let the sun catch you sleeping. 

… I have long since discovered that time for yourself in the early morning will do wonders for your mood, productivity, and well-being.

5. Be Handy.

…I spent a lot of time in college reading and writing about how things work in the world, but I’ve slowly come to realize that although being book smart is good, being life-smart is better.

6. Go Outside.

I was lucky enough to grow up in in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, where there are endless opportunities for outdoor adventures. For a mountain man like my dad, getting out of town and exploring the wilderness was not an optional activity for our family. Because of this, I spent much of my youth running down trails, rafting rivers, and summiting mountains. Looking back, I’ve come to appreciate the huge effect it had on my childhood and on the adult I became. Nature is a beautiful thing – go experience it. Go backpacking, rafting, biking, or whatever it takes to spend some time away from the mayhem of your daily life. 

7. Eat your Vegetables.

… Learning to cook for myself and understanding the core concepts of nutrition was one of the best things I learned as a kid. It only took a few months of greasy college dining halls to show me that a good diet and active lifestyle really are the foundation for a strong body and sharp mind.

8. Travel while you’re young.

9. Always have a hobby.

It should come as no surprise that I come from a long line of tinkerers, dabblers, and otherwise curious minds that put great value in breadth of knowledge…. I …always try to balance my life with a variety of activities that keep me well-rounded.

10. Smile. 

Nobody likes a grouch. Add some happiness to the world.

Sleep Is More Important Than Food

Sleep Is More Important Than Food

Harvard Business Review — Blog Network

by Tony Schwartz

“…So how much sleep do you need? When researchers put test subjects in environments without clocks or windows and ask them to sleep any time they feel tired, 95 percent sleep between seven and eight hours out of every 24. Another 2.5 percent sleep more than eight hours. That means just 2.5 percent of us require less than 7 hours of sleep a night to feel fully rested. That’s 1 out of every 40 people.

When I ask people in my talks how many had fewer than 7 hours of sleep several nights during the past week, the vast majority raise their hands. That’s true whether it’s an audience of corporate executives, teachers, cops or government workers. We’ve literally lost touch with what it feels like to be fully awake….

With sufficient sleep, I feel better, I work with more focus, and I manage my emotions better, which is good for everyone around me. I dislike having even a single day where I haven’t gotten enough sleep, because the impact is immediate and unavoidable. On the rare days that I don’t get enough, I try hard to get at least a 20-30 minute nap in the afternoon. That’s a big help.

Here are three other tips to improve the quantity and quality of your sleep:

  • Go to bed earlier — and at a set time. Sounds obvious right? The problem is there’s no alternative. You’re already waking up at the latest possible time you think is acceptable. If you don’t ritualize a specific bedtime, you’ll end up finding ways to stay up later, just the way you do now.
  • Start winding down at least 45 minutes before you turn out the light. You won’t fall asleep if you’re all wound up from answering email, or doing other work. Create a ritual around drinking a cup of herbal tea, or listening to music that helps you relax, or reading a dull book.
  • Write down what’s on your mind — especially unfinished to-do’s and unresolved issues — just before you go to bed. If you leave items in your working memory, they’ll make it harder to fall asleep, and you’ll end up ruminating about them if you should wake up during the night….”

 

Does a more equal marriage mean less sex?

Power — and the act of balancing it — is a common topic with the couples I see in therapy. They’re eager to talk about leveling the domestic playing field but tend to feel awkward about bringing the concept of power into conversations about sex, mostly because it can feel so confusing….Certainly, there are couples who have no problem with, and even genuinely enjoy, these types of arrangements. But frequently I hear from husbands and wives who say they want progressive marriages, in which women have the option to do anything their husbands do and vice versa, then start to feel uncomfortable when that reality is in place. And that discomfort, more often than not, leads to less sexual desire — on both sides.

An article in the New York Times makes the case.

Know Thyself

Personal intelligence opens a privileged window into our own minds as well as into the most byzantine motivations of others. Personality psychologist John D. Mayer, who codeveloped the theory of emotional intelligence, unpacks an idea that has profound ramifications for how we see ourselves.
By John D. Mayer Ph.D., published on March 11, 2014

A thought-provoking article that underlines the value of developing better self-knowledge – the better understanding of your self and how you are perceived by others.